Orange Juice

On July 14, 2006, in General, by Neil Stevens

A play which may or may not have current political meaning.

The scene: a juice stand outside a courthouse. PATRON approaches the stand, which is attended by the VENDOR.

PATRON: I’d like some juice. What do you have for me?
VENDOR: I have apple juice, cranberry juice, grape juice, and orange juice.
PATRON: Very well, give me some grape-flavored orange juice.
VENDOR: Grape juice coming right up.
PATRON: No, I said I wanted orange juice.
VENDOR: Alright, orange juice coming right up.
PATRON: But I don’t like orange juice! I like the taste of grape!

VENDOR is puzzled.

VENDOR: Then why did you stop me from getting the grape?
PATRON: Because I don’t want you discriminating against me.
VENDOR: Come again?

PATRON is demonstrative.

PATRON: You heard me. You sit here with your grape juice and your orange juice, and every day discriminate against those of us who want orange juice but hate the taste! Why don’t you meet my needs? Isn’t that what freedom of enterprise is all about?

VENDOR is exasperated.

VENDOR: I’m sorry, sir, but orange juice is what it is. Oranges grow in nature, and when squeezed produce orange juice. You can’t get grape juice from an orange. That’s just the way the world works.
PATRON: I’ll have none of your bigotry. This is America! I’ll go to the courts and FORCE you to cater to the orange juice haters of America by serving us orange juice! Save your nature lectures for your science classes, where they belong!

PATRON storms up the courthouse steps. VENDOR is alone, and opens a bottle of orange juice to take a sip for himself.

VENDOR: Wait until he finds out he hasn’t got a womb and can’t have babies.


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